Yesterday began something that will probably be the Very Best Idea I've ever had. I hired a neighborhood pre-teen to watch Lexi while I got things done around the house. I've accepted that Lexi is not a napper. In fact, if she does fall asleep during the day, I know I have exactly 20 minutes before she is awake again. That's just how she is. Best to accept it and make it work for me.
I got the idea months ago, but my anxieties were not allowing it to move forward (more on that later.) Finally, after a neighborhood BBQ and the realization that I was baby sitting at the age of the neighborhood gals, Claire was scheduled. And she'll be here three days next week! Ahhh it felt good to work in the yard. And as for Lexi, well she LOVED the attention. She was all smiles and playtime for two hours! And after Claire left, a 20 minute power nap followed.
As for my anxieties, I just read an article that stated two things that accurately describe how I feel. 1) Bad things always seem to happen when you least expect them, so the smart thing to do is simply expect them, and that keeps them away. And 2) Anxiety is paying interest on your troubles, like feeling sick about cake that you might eat in the future.
On a recent visit to my doctor, I tried to explain the feeling I get, and I felt like she could never possibly know what it is like to be trapped by anxiety. She dispenses her anxiety med RX and off I go to face the world she probably knows nothing about. So that brings up more anxiety about taking meds while breastfeeding, and I'm still researching. But as for #1 above, many of my friends, family, and especially Jon, Benji and Lexi have been more than covered on the many scenarios that could happen that I've already prevented by worry. You are welcome! -Jenni
Love these pics you post out here! Glad you found some good babysitting help too...it will be good for both of you.
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