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I've been stressed out lately over Christmas and getting all the gifts bought and wrapped. I haven't had time to enjoy the lights or songs of the holiday, and forget reflecting on the meaning of Christmas. Thankfully Linus recited the bible verse Luke 2:10-14--And the angel said unto them, Fear not, for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you this day is born in the City of Bethlehem, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; you shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel, a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men'". That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown.
I'm glad we took the time to watch the Charlie Brown Christmas special with Lexi so that we could be reminded that there is more to this holiday than the presents we receive and give. I like to think that no matter what gifts we give, it will never be as awesome of a gift than the gift of Jesus' birth, and life, and ultimately death that God gave for us. The true message of Christmas has not, unfortunately , stopped me from being stressed out. I still have quite a bit to do before this evening, and I should be doing it now, but I just had to post some pics and a video.
My memories of Christmas are of being with family, staying up late, and smiling for pictures with my new toy. It wasn't about the value or number of toys, it was about celebrating with family. I think we did the same thing every year, church Christmas Eve, then to grandma and grandpas. Wrapping paper everywhere. Going home so tired, but happy. I hope I can re-create that in Lexi's life.
Alyce has given us many of the Hallmark dolls that play holiday music over the years. We were very excited to get them out this year to see what Lexi would think of them. Well, she LOVES them. She caught on how to turn them on right away. She does not hesitate to play them all at once. She give the penguins and snowmen kisses while they sing. I love seeing this holiday through her eyes, and it's lead me to decide that next year, I will focus on her and Jon first for the holiday. Not just for gifts, but for experiences. Usually I get out of town people bought for first, then everyone else, then Jon and Lexi, but this year that has lead me to be short on patience and ideas. Next year, it's all about them! Here are some pics of Lexi, and then a video of her directing her dolls. Love you all, Merry Christmas! -Jenni
Jon and my new addiction is www.paperbackswap.com I first read about it in a magazine. To get started you list 10 books you can send to people, then you can choose 2 to be sent to you. I did just that, and 2 books arrived in the mail. I mailed a few, usually at the low media mail rate of $2.38, and I got a credit to use on another book for each book I sent. A habit was formed. It seems too simple, and even too good to be true, but it is truly awesome!I love books. I don't enjoy reading so much as collecting books. I tell Jon I could have a worse addiction so he can't complain! I love book stores. I love a good book, but they are rare. Some of my favorits have been odd finds on the discount shelf- "Tending Roses" by Lisa Wingate, "The Mercy of Thin Air" by Ronlyn Domingue, "Played" by Barbara Freethy. I wish I had more time to read, but stealing a few moments before bed seems to be it. That's ok, my reasons for reading books like "Go Dog, Go" are wonderful!-Jenni
It's always nice to be home again, but I am very sad to leave our Ohio family. We hadn't been there since the summer of 2009 when I was pregnant, and we got to see tons of family and friends during that visit. But it felt like we were just there. Conversations that I've been having with these people for the past 18 years continued right where they left off. Hugs and more hugs greeted us with each visitor. And, of course, Lexi was adored. And this time, unlike last time, I got to eat! Jon's mom Alyce is a wonderful cook, and she can't just have one dessert in the house. Yum! 
I say I am sad to be home because I miss them. I always miss them, even though I may not show it. I think about our Ohio family all the time. Alyce does a great job keeping us updated on happenings, and Facebook helps too, but there is nothing like a hug. I think my journey with anxiety leads me to cling to things even harder, and I admit that clinging to family is logical to me. I think I have a type of separation anxiety that makes me very sad after a visit, any visit, because I don't know when it will happen again. We don't know when we will visit next. I think now that we have Lexi, it would be important to visit more often, but it will also be more expensive, and more of a travel challenge (more on that later.) There are phones, Facebook, and the good ole mail to help us though. For that I am thankful.
As for Lexi and flying, there have been times in the recent past that I didn't take Lexi for a walk around our own neighborhood because something in me thought it would be too much of a hassle. My fears about the trip to Ohio mounted. But that little girl did better than I ever imagined. She slept during takeoff, played with her toes, shared her crackers with the flight attendants, uh oh 'd a lot of stuff to send mommy and daddy scrambling. The highlight of the trip was our 5 hour layover on the way there in Minneapolis where she walked behind the stroller knowing she was hot stuff. The look on her face was like 'that's right, I am walking now!' It was so precious!
The trip home involved ear pain and a lot of crying, but once we figured out that giving Lexi bottled water to sip really helped, it got a little better. Lexi got to spend time with her cousins and aunts and uncles, and her doting grandparents. We really had an awesome trip. I got to bond with Alyce over parenting ideas (Love you!). I got to see grandpa Cloyce and Lexi make faces at each other with so much love exchanged. We got to see Jon's brother's and sisters and catch up a bit. And I got to relax, which was truly needed.
We also had family Thanksgiving on Sunday, and our sister Denene surprised us with a cake for Lexi's Birthday. WOW this cake was amazing. It was carousel horses, which is what I want to do for her bedroom when she's a bit older. We were surpised, and Lexi loved the cake with her whole hands and face.
Sometimes I hide at home in the intent to not do the difficult task of taking Lexi places, but I think I need to change my world view on that. Lexi loves being out. If she isn't happy, she'll let me know, and we can always go home again. -Jenni
It's been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. Getting ready for Lexi's party, while Lexi was not sleeping at all was difficult, to say the least. The house was a disaster, Lexi was a poor screaming babycakes who really, really wanted mommy most of the time. Then my mom had some nausea and pain, so Jon took her to the ER. She spent the night in the hospital, and is now fine, but it was still quite scary for us. Then my little girl reached the magical age of 1. We had family and friends over for her party. She wasn't quite sure what was going on, but there were many charactures of Minnie and Mickey mouse, and a few Elmos, so I think she figured out that this event had something to do with her. There were also many awesome toys and a cake that she ate a piece of without anyone cleaning her up, until a few minutes anyway 'cause mommy can't handle too much of a mess. Overall she had a wonderful time. She loves all of her toys and books and clothes. She played herself out last night and then spent the actual day and time of her birth asleep in my arms, with ME crying like a 1 year old. It's so hard for me to watch her grow up and know someday Jon and I won't be the people she prefers to hang with. She is a wonderful, smart, happy baby. We are so blessed to have her as our own. Jon has a great job, we have a roof over our heads, and we have everything we could possibly want and need. So, then why do I panic? I ruminate on the worst case scenario for everything. I haven't been taking meds for anxiety because I was convinced that they were the reason Lexi wasn't sleeping. I stopped taking them, but then she still didn't sleep. I decided to wait until she was weaned before continuing them again, but I don't want to stop breastfeeding. It's the most soulful thing I've ever done. And Lexi isn't much of a cuddler, so I feel like when that period of our lifes together stops, I'll lose a piece of her.So, I'll begin the meds again as I continue to search for a way to live without them. Exercise (yes, if my body stops hurting from the second mattress that we've only had a few days but I still don't like.) Acupuncture, yes. Meditation (yes if I can figure out how to actually clear my mind.) I'll do what it takes for my baby girl, 'cause if I'm not happy, she's not happy.I'll post the birthday pics after I get one of her backwards waving. It's like Lexi doesn't want that particular aspect of her babyhood captured on film.Meanwhile, we look forward to seeing family over the holidays. Truly, I know people will give gifts to Lexi, and I am thankful for that, but being around family is the most important part of all, for her and for us. -Jenni
I guess I don't know the singular of Tumultuous. Tumult?? The Clifton house is in Tumult right now. Lexi is getting to that almost walking stage, which means she is knocking her little noggin on everything. She even fell into the bath tub while trying to reach her quack quacks (rubber duckys). I think she was scared more than hurt. She is a tough little gal. She hits something and then just moves on. Too tough for pain. Except for teething pain. She has 4 teeth coming in right now. Lots of screaming from a little person. Jon and I took turns holding her almost all night last night. She isn't very interested in eating or drinking. I need to re-read the no cry sleep solution on teething because this poor gal needs all the help she can get.
Then there is the big bed purchase. We bought our first queen bed less than 2 years ago. We've hated it since about a month after the purchase. 14 day exchange period, wouldn't you know. So we ventured out last week to buy a new bed, hoping not to pay both an arm and a leg. Our existing bed is in pristine condition since we used a water proof mattress cover, so I hated spending money on something that in theory we already owned. So we chose a Simmons memory foam mattress from a salesman who spent more time telling us how honest he is than I care to hear from a salesman. We went home and found only good reviews. Then a guy named Romeo delivered the mattress, and I was hoping it was a sign of good things. Last night between Lexi only sleeping about a half hour at a time and the bed, which was making my arms fall asleep and left me with hip pain worse than before we started this venture, well, now you see why we are feeling Tumult...
I have given Jon the 'make it work moment' (shhhh don't tell us who won project runway, we are a month behind on TV), and he will need to make the bed work for me and him, or exchange it, or get me a sleeping bag with a bit of padding. Jon and Benji both loved the bed. Figures! Tonight we are going on a date. Probably about an hour long date and then a hope beyond hope that Lexi goes to bed early so we can sleep. 
This little girl is growing up way too fast!
A few years ago I read a book called Tending Roses. It was the journey of a new mom from career and keeping up with the Joneses to moving to her grandmother's old house and learning about life. When the new mom was most stressed about people taking over her work and not being able to make payments on the boat and the country club membership, she found a note from her grandmother. When her grandmother moved into that house as a newlywed, she took pride in tending her rose garden. It was a beautiful garden, and it was representative of the effort she put into being a homemaker. The grandmother's letter put aside the beauty of the garden by saying "The best times of my life were when the roses grew wild." She was busy caring for her kids.
We live in one of those neighborhoods where the Joneses struggle to keep up with each other. Many people are retired, and you wouldn't find a weed anywhere in their yard. On the other hand, meet the Cliftons. We try to keep the front yard nice. We work on the back when we can. I pulled some weeds last week that were taller than I am. But, this is the best time of my life. Go ahead and grow weeds. You'll meet your match some day!
Speaking of Lexi, I am having some challenges. The baby whisperer defines Lexi as "Spirited." She doesn't want to sit still to get changed, to eat, to dress. Always exploring, getting into everything. I feel like she is fighting me. She and I need to take a few days to re-establish a good way of communicating and work together to develop a way to change clothes without any crying by either of us. And in the mean time, please don't expect her to be wearing pants.
As I tend my gorgeous little rose, I need to take time away from the computer. It sucks me in sometimes, and I feel like Lexi needs me right now. And I know I need her. -Jenni
Lexi can now climb all the way up the stairs in about a minute's time. She amazes us every day. She can pick Elmo and Mickey out of a line up of toys. She presses buttons on her musical toys until the song she prefers comes on and then she dances and smiles. She lights up when she sees someone she knows. She is all in all a pretty amazing little girl.I feel like we are not taking enough pictures of her. Many, many of the pictures we take are blurry because she moves so much. In fact, she does not ever sit still. It's hard to explain, but she has to always be moving and exploring. Benji is not impressed with this new found movement. She'll be walking soon, before she's one, and then Benji will really have a problem on his paws.Here are some pics from our recent trip to the westside of the state. We really miss our friends that live there. Lexi got to meet a 13 month old and a 9 month old. I think the girls really enjoyed each other's company. They were worn out way too quickly, and then the parents, who have been known to stay up until 3am, had to leave to get the kids into bed. We look forward to many more trips to see them. 
We also got to spend some time with our cousin's family, who just moved from Michigan to Bellingham, WA. It was great to see them and get to know them all a bit better. They live in a beautiful area of the world. Lake view, trees, quiet. I thought we took more pictures while we were there, but again, they were all pretty blurry. Lexi loved her cousins though. It will be good to see them more often too!
