On My Mind

It's been almost 3 months since I posted, and I guess I'll just post what is closest to my mind.

As we watch Lexi grow and learn and do wonderful things in front of us each day, we watch Benji decline, not sleep, bump into things, and basically be old. He is on a new med for dementia. Yes, I guess it happens to dogs too. He doesn't sleep at night. Which means, Jon and I don't sleep at night. We really don't know how much more of his nighttime antics we can take. We try to take turns, but after letting him out, feeding him, getting him water, letting him out 7 more times, giving him our bed and some blankets, he still stands and barks. Then whom ever has been taking care of him usually gives up, and the other person takes over. My new plan of attack is to give him tons of food, let him run outside, and then go to bed earlier so maybe he can't get too wound up. For our sanity's sake, I hope it works. But no matter, we love Benji, and we want to make him the most comfortable that we can for what ever time he has left. When you are 23 years old and you make a quick visit to an animal shelter you don't expect the outcome to impact your life so significantly when you are 37. We've been lucky to have Benji these 14+ years!!!

Then there is Mathilde. I have always thought that it would be easier to have an exchange student stay with us if we didn't like them much. Someone that we would look forward to seeing go home. Well, that is NOT the case with Mathilde. She's managed to become a big part of our lives in only 4 short months. She'll be leaving in one month, and although we'll miss her, we know she's leaving. Lexi won't understand, and I feel the loss of her "Ta" as she is called, will be a difficult experience for our little girl.

I'll have to write more about Lexi once I get more pics uploaded. She is wonderful. What can I say- she's my baby!

-Jenni

Fall Update

While Lexi naps- yes naps, I thought I'd write. The simplest change brings revolution in the Clifton home. No after lunch bottle. Nap at 1. I had a small realization after eating a ton of cookies and drinking a glass of milk late one night. My heart was racing and I was in overdrive. Jon pointed out the large amount of sugars in milk, and I realized I was pumping Lexi full of sugar in an effort to get her to calm down for a nap. Change. Naps. Not every day, but most. And after about an hour I miss her and want her to wake up anyway. But small triumph.

I have, for some reason, omitted Benji from recent updates. His health is holding steady, but he is not the puppy he was 15 years ago. His cancer in his arm is back, but not operable because it is covering a much larger part of his leg then before. It is not the type that will spread beyond his leg though, so that is good. He is still totally blind, and runs into almost every wall. He always finds his way to the back door and the back inside, and to his food dish, so he's adapting to his handicap. He also finds Lexi trying to cuddle him, and although he seems alarmed, he does allow her her moments of love before he runs off to find a place to hide. I think they really do love each other.

I was looking at pictures last night of Lexi in the days after she was born. She was so small, yet you can see the beginnings of the person she has become today. As a baby she was always looking around at everything, taking it all in, learning, growing. Not much has changed. Looking back over the short 22 months since her arrival, I see it in much faster motion. It's almost as if she was born, she cried, she ate a bit, and then she took off running. I know I keep saying it, but this is the best time I've ever had with my family, especially Lexi. Watching her learn, and hearing her say things like 'mommy's turn' and 'Lexi do it' shows that I just might be doing things right with her.

Lately I have relaxed into a calmer self. As I near my 40s, (yes I said it) I realize that the things that I was running towards in my 20s are here. The 20s are a blur of running in hot pursuit of education, marriage, good job, good place to live, etc. Now that I'm older I can sit still and appreciate the things around me. My beautiful child, a tree waving softly in the wind, a weed that's just going to wait for me as long as it takes to be pulled, a husband that is so wonderfully devoted to his family. Lexi won't be a child forever. She will always need me, but not always need a cuddle while she drinks her milk. She won't always run to me when she is scared. She will not base her life on what I need. I am glad that at least for now, I can base my life on what she needs. Someday I will return to the working mom world, but I will always be a mom first and foremost. That is, as Lexi would say, Awesome!

-Jenni

Lexi counts from 4 to 13

Mommy says Moo

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Not sure what to say...

I sit to post a gorgeous video of a little girl kiss, and I don't know what else to say. I've felt very 'off' lately. I feel torn between many extremes-

Spend all day playing with Lexi vs cleaning the house, cooking and doing yard work

Use the computer to look up menus and shopping deals vs never using the computer again when it won't print or loses internet

Nap vs stay awake and try to accomplish something, and then realizing I again wasted time

Eat lunch vs it's only a few hours until dinner
Be outside all the time trying to suck up the last drops of summer vs being inside, and being lazy in front of the TV.

Being a mommy isn't easy, and that leads to more conflict within me. Lexi is physically ready to potty train, but won't sit on the potty when asked no matter what. Lexi needs to nap, but at each try screams and cries to the point that my soft heart thinks she's physically injured, and I run right in to comfort her. Lexi needs less TV time, but without it would she really know all her letters and how to count to 13 at the young age of 21 months?

We have had two additions to our family. Nikki, the gerbil, came to live with us. Our neighbor's son just graduated from WSU, and he was moving to Columbus, OH, and decided moving cross country and camping on the way with a rodent wasn't going to be his best move. So, we have Nikki. Lexi LOVES her.

Our other addition is 18 year old Mathilde from Belgium. She is an exchange student who will be staying with us until January. She has had challenges so far, such as reading stories in English (native language is French), and trying to figure out what all of our quirky little expressions mean. I do think she's enjoying her life here so far. Lexi LOVES her, too. Mathilde often ends up with a pile of toys from Lexi as she plays her way through a room. Some people have told me that they could never invite someone to live with them, but I think they'd be surprised how easy it is to take someone in and teach them about our culture.

So far she's learned: we let kids drive too early- in Belgium they don't start until they are 18; we use many expressions- and Jon uses more than most people; we use slow cookers and measuring spoons- they weigh ingredients when cooking; and we have this great thing called Mexican food!

So all in all, things are good. I guess as long a I have these wonderful people and pets in my life, I can handle the conflict just fine.

-Jenni

Nummy Cookie

The Big 2-0

Something happened the other day that has been my dream since I found out I was having a daughter- cooking with my baby. I was making banana bread, and I set a curious Lexi up on a chair to watch, and maybe help if she wanted. I handed her the spoon and said 'stir' and showed her how to do it. She repeated 'stir' and a mommy's heart was melted. The first of many 'stir' episodes in our lives together, I'm sure.




I have to admit I was nervous about taking Lexi to Kansas, Missouri and Arkansas earlier this month, but boy is she a pro traveler. I had a back pack of things that she hadn't seen before, and it was a big hit. She loved wearing her back pack, and kept pretty content on the plane throwing her toys around. We had many 3 to 5 hour drives on our trip, and she didn't complain a bit!!! We even got her her own frequent flier card, because I can anticipate many trips to visit grandma and grandpa, and even a return to Kansas for her cousins, which she still asks to see every day.

We are so lucky to have Lexi, and at 20 months, she is growing into quite a wonderful, albeit challenging, young lady. Tomorrow we are going to pick up a Lexi cupcake, which although not named for our Lexi, it fittingly has a spicy cinnamon bavarian creme filling hidden inside. It also has carrot cake and maple buttercream. As Lexi would say 'mmmmmmmm, yummy!'

Here are some pics from the trip.





And one of a normal day in the Clifton house! That's my girl!


-Jenni

Away we go...

As we prepare for an adventure in travel, without revealing details to avoid disclosing too much, we get to take Lexi on an airplane. She did great at 12 months. She laughed and weeeeeed when the plane hit turbulence. On the final leg of our journey, her ears did bother her, but she eventually calmed down. This time, she is a whopping 19 months old and she has her own seat. Not required by the airline, but required by her parents. I have a back pack full of stuff that she hasn't seen before, and we are bringing her DVD player on board, and lots of snacks, so I am hoping beyond hope that all goes well for this trip! We will be seeing her cousins for the first time. The very sad part is, one cousin will be missing. Our cousin Erin's son Cooper passed away last night at the tender age of 10. He was going to be going on this trip with us. The reasons behind God calling him home will never be understood by me. It will be hard to see his mom. I know any hug I can give her will not adequately convey the comfort I hope she finds in remembering her awesome son's life.

I am an empathetic person, and frankly that has been wearing me out lately. I feel the pain of others. A mom losing her son. A step-brother's house flooded out by storms, just weeks after the birth of his second child. A friend's mom having difficulties as she struggles with breathing problems. I try to concentrate on the positive, none of these things are actually happening to me, but I feel them as if they were.

I pray that we all find peace from these troubles.
-Jenni

All Over The Place

The above pic is a great visual description of our little Lexi. If she's not happy, you will be told. Since I last posted we have gone through a bit of an adventure in making Lexi happy. Not by giving her what she wants, but by giving her what she really doesn't want- a nap. As the days got warmer and Lexi became more active, she continued with her lack of interest in naps. Around dinner time, which coincides with daddy's arrival at home, she would start screaming, crying, stumbling, etc, indicating to us that she was beyond tired. We knew the only thing we could do was make her nap. I re-read a few books on sleep for kids- No Cry Sleep Solution, Baby Whisperer, Healthy Sleep Habits- Happy Child, and I had a real punch in the gut moment. I am in charge of Lexi's naps, not Lexi. All this time I have let her get away with her refusal to nap because her way of saying she was unhappy was loud. Now, once a day she will be in her crib for an hour. If she screams, cries real tears or is inconsolable, we go right in to comfort her. If she yells cause she doesn't think she needs a nap or she'd rather be doing something else, we leave her be. She has figured out that we aren't coming to get her, so, most of the time, she actually naps. It's usually only about an hour, but it's something. I learned that the key to a good nap is finding that moment BEFORE she's actually tired. It's a small window when she starts slowing down, looking away from me etc. By the time she's blinking hard or rubbing her eyes, it's too late.

My dad had heart surgery in the farthest away place possible, Cleveland. The surgery was April 29. I am happy to report he was discharged from the hospital Today!!! It was so hard being so far away and not being able to be with him as he recuperated. And more so my step mom Gail who had the task of being by his side through it all. She deserves a trophy for keeping him calm and inspired, keeping the family in Spokane and elsewhere updated, and remaining sane.

I feel overwhelmed and all over the place by all that is going on right now, but at the same time I am happy. The videos below will give a glimpse of the reason for some of that happiness. - Jenni

Fancy Dancin' Lexi

Lexi's animal sounds

I Love This Age...

When Lexi was 6 months old, I remember thinking 'wow, this age is great.' She could sit up and we could interact face to face. She could throw things and bat at her toys, and we could actually play together. And the adventure in real food had begun. I loved that age...



When Lexi was 9 months old, I remember thinking how awesome it was that she was mobile. She could crawl all over the place, and chase me, or Benji, or hide behind a chair so we could play 'where's the baby?' She squealed in delight each time I found her. She also loved to crawl over to mommy and say 'ahhhhhhh' then pull my hair while I said 'ahhhhhhh.' She had developed a wonderful laugh, and she enjoyed exploring new foods so very much. I loved that age...



When Lexi turned one, she was almost walking. I remember thinking how wonderful it was that I didn't have to tote her around the house all day. She could follow me, or not. She was gaining some independence. She was trying new things, walking along the couch, grabbing things off tables. She was a big girl now. And she couldn't hide how happy things like Minnie Mouse, and her mommy and daddy made her feel with that big smile. She did, however, start to get picky in her eating habits. Cake was no problem though. She started to pay attention to other kids. I loved that age...




Then, early this year, she was walking. Soon after, running, everywhere. I got to chase after her for a change. Her favorite thing to do was push her stroller, the shopping cart, anything that had wheels. She loves to shop, running around any store that she is allowed to. Stopping to read or play with anything that catches her eye. She started saying mama and dada. And she would at least try grown up food, and let us know how she feels about each thing she tries. She started really interacting and playing with other kids too. I loved that age...




Lexi turns 17 months this week. We can't believe the gains she makes daily. She knows at least 10 letters. She learns a new word every day. She copies her mom and dad's actions. And she loves everyone and everything, giving kisses freely. As she gains her voice, I really think I'm gonna love this age.
_jenni

Our Little Soccer Player

Good News

After waiting for what seemed like forever, I got the news that the mole was just a mole. No bad news. Thank you God for taking care of me once again!
-Jenni

Waiting...

I should be cleaning the house as Lexi rests in her crib, but instead I pace, and wait. I had a suspicious mole removed on Wednesday. The doc said she'd have the results maybe Friday, but probably Monday. Doesn't she understand that to someone like me, that short three day difference is like an eternity?

So, I wait. Meanwhile, my house looks like this...



Look carefully, and you can see the cause of the mess hidden in the toy box.
-Jenni

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She's Not a Baby Anymore,..

When I think baby, I think of those little people you hold, they coo, they can't do much else. Well, if that is the case, then Lexi isn't a baby anymore! She is now 15 months old, and she has made some decisions- she is no longer taking baths in her little tub- now it's only the big tub; she is not interested in being fed with a spoon, she prefers her hands or her use of the fork or spoon, which is actually messier than using her hands; and she is no longer breastfeeding. I've heard of self weaning, but this was instant, and sad for me. She nursed one morning, then in the afternoon, she acted like she wanted to nurse, and then pushed me away. She's continued to push me away a few more times, so I guess she's made her decision. I did treasure our time together, and I know she loves me so there will be more times with just cuddling in the future, but it's sad to be done.

Lexi has also decided that she does not want to be carried down stairs, see the video above.

Her most recent decision involves throwing herself on the floor and screaming and waving us away if she doesn't want to do something or go somewhere. I know this is all part of growing up, but when it's in the middle of Target, it's a bit tough to take. We'll continue to work on our communication with each other to improve this most recent decision. -Jenni

Pics?

I have to admit it has been a bit difficult to get pictures posted to the blog for one reason only, the blurry little girl running across the screen. Lexi is 14 months old and on the move. She doesn't stop. Ever. In the most recent photos of her, she looks like she is bothered by the photographer. Is she practicing this look for the paparazzi?

Lexi is a brilliant child. She knows the letter A. She knows where most of her body parts are, but she is still partial to her belly. She can point out the light, ceiling, and (almost) floor. You can see the concentration in her eyes when she is committing something to memory. She loves the challenge. She loves music, and loves to dance. Her vocabulary is expanding every day. Her latest- 'here, do this' usually done to request something we've done before with one of her toys. Lexi also loves to copy her mommy and daddy. She watches daddy pick up Benji and thinks great idea. Not so great in Benji's opinion. She watches mommy throw things in the trash, so now we have to look through the trash every chance we get for things that shouldn't be there. We are loving this little girl more and more every day!