Monday, November 22, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
A One Year Old, and a Journey
It's been one of the most emotional weeks of my life. Getting ready for Lexi's party, while Lexi was not sleeping at all was difficult, to say the least. The house was a disaster, Lexi was a poor screaming babycakes who really, really wanted mommy most of the time. Then my mom had some nausea and pain, so Jon took her to the ER. She spent the night in the hospital, and is now fine, but it was still quite scary for us.
Then my little girl reached the magical age of 1. We had family and friends over for her party. She wasn't quite sure what was going on, but there were many charactures of Minnie and Mickey mouse, and a few Elmos, so I think she figured out that this event had something to do with her. There were also many awesome toys and a cake that she ate a piece of without anyone cleaning her up, until a few minutes anyway 'cause mommy can't handle too much of a mess. Overall she had a wonderful time. She loves all of her toys and books and clothes. She played herself out last night and then spent the actual day and time of her birth asleep in my arms, with ME crying like a 1 year old. It's so hard for me to watch her grow up and know someday Jon and I won't be the people she prefers to hang with. She is a wonderful, smart, happy baby. We are so blessed to have her as our own. Jon has a great job, we have a roof over our heads, and we have everything we could possibly want and need.
So, then why do I panic? I ruminate on the worst case scenario for everything. I haven't been taking meds for anxiety because I was convinced that they were the reason Lexi wasn't sleeping. I stopped taking them, but then she still didn't sleep. I decided to wait until she was weaned before continuing them again, but I don't want to stop breastfeeding. It's the most soulful thing I've ever done. And Lexi isn't much of a cuddler, so I feel like when that period of our lifes together stops, I'll lose a piece of her.
So, I'll begin the meds again as I continue to search for a way to live without them. Exercise (yes, if my body stops hurting from the second mattress that we've only had a few days but I still don't like.) Acupuncture, yes. Meditation (yes if I can figure out how to actually clear my mind.) I'll do what it takes for my baby girl, 'cause if I'm not happy, she's not happy.
I'll post the birthday pics after I get one of her backwards waving. It's like Lexi doesn't want that particular aspect of her babyhood captured on film.
Meanwhile, we look forward to seeing family over the holidays. Truly, I know people will give gifts to Lexi, and I am thankful for that, but being around family is the most important part of all, for her and for us.
-Jenni
Then my little girl reached the magical age of 1. We had family and friends over for her party. She wasn't quite sure what was going on, but there were many charactures of Minnie and Mickey mouse, and a few Elmos, so I think she figured out that this event had something to do with her. There were also many awesome toys and a cake that she ate a piece of without anyone cleaning her up, until a few minutes anyway 'cause mommy can't handle too much of a mess. Overall she had a wonderful time. She loves all of her toys and books and clothes. She played herself out last night and then spent the actual day and time of her birth asleep in my arms, with ME crying like a 1 year old. It's so hard for me to watch her grow up and know someday Jon and I won't be the people she prefers to hang with. She is a wonderful, smart, happy baby. We are so blessed to have her as our own. Jon has a great job, we have a roof over our heads, and we have everything we could possibly want and need.
So, then why do I panic? I ruminate on the worst case scenario for everything. I haven't been taking meds for anxiety because I was convinced that they were the reason Lexi wasn't sleeping. I stopped taking them, but then she still didn't sleep. I decided to wait until she was weaned before continuing them again, but I don't want to stop breastfeeding. It's the most soulful thing I've ever done. And Lexi isn't much of a cuddler, so I feel like when that period of our lifes together stops, I'll lose a piece of her.
So, I'll begin the meds again as I continue to search for a way to live without them. Exercise (yes, if my body stops hurting from the second mattress that we've only had a few days but I still don't like.) Acupuncture, yes. Meditation (yes if I can figure out how to actually clear my mind.) I'll do what it takes for my baby girl, 'cause if I'm not happy, she's not happy.
I'll post the birthday pics after I get one of her backwards waving. It's like Lexi doesn't want that particular aspect of her babyhood captured on film.
Meanwhile, we look forward to seeing family over the holidays. Truly, I know people will give gifts to Lexi, and I am thankful for that, but being around family is the most important part of all, for her and for us.
-Jenni
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